My first divorce was a proverbial sh*t show, and we were not even legally married!

Round one had me doing that messy crap of jumping into the next relationship before I figured out who I was again.

Back then, I didn’t know to harness my sexual energy — which is what I like to call my personal power and creative life force.

So, it really should not have been any big surprise that after just one month of moving in with the new guy I woke up one day and realized that I was lying next to a nicer version of what I left. I had someone who loved me for who I was — and that was awesome — but did not have a job, was not looking for a job and thought that cooking dinner was his contribution to the relationship.

Seriously? Why do us successful women end up with these guys?

Oh, yeah…because we think that is as good as it gets and that all relationships are hard work so you are going to have to suffer to have someone who loves you.

Ugh! Time to change the narrative here.

I moved him out, and I sat down and got honest.

I needed to get intentional and not settle for what happened to wander across my path. I began to discover the power of connecting to my sexual energy, and slowly but surely felt a change.

I made my list of deal breakers, and my list of must-haves for the next guy.
Order sent into the Universe. Check!

The next 3 great guys were all fabulous, but each one tested my resolve to have ALL of my requirements.

Guy #1 – great income, owned his own place, spoiled me with goodies, endless great conversations but…smoker, overweight and a slob.

Guy #2 – athletic, good job, owns his own place, great in bed, but…not able to commit.

Guy #3 – owned a successful company, owned his own house, a shared sense of humour but…thought 8 drinks and 4 joints for a casual night in was normal.

Each one allowed me to drop into my true self, the one who believed I could have what I asked for.

I harnessed my sexual energy and said “No” with love and with a knowing that I could and would find better.

Guy #4 – fit all the things on my list.

We married, and although 10 years later, that is also coming to an end (because I have changed). I am quickly dropping back into my sexual energy to navigate this one with loads of ease, not to mention loads of fun in the dating world too.

Enough about my journey; let’s get you some of these tools to make your divorce and the rest of your life to be one where you feel your authentic, confident and sexy self.

How to engage your sexual energy (your untapped powerhouse self)

As I wrote this article for you, I wrestled with which of the many tools to share. There are so many fun ways to begin to reclaim our sexy powerful selves.

Let’s kick this off with two of my favorites that I suspect you will come to love as well.

Grounding — With a New Spin

By now you will have heard of grounding exercises, but we are going to put a fun twist on that tool.

I call this Power Grounding.

Sit or stand tall, take a full breath in and as you exhale imagine and feel your pelvic floor sending energy down and connecting with the earth. On the inhale, maintain that grounded energy going down while pulling the energy up from the earth into your pelvic floor.

If you find that you tend to absorb the emotions of others, you can release them as you ground and then install a filter as you pull the energy up from the earth.

Many of us are highly sensitive to other people’s crap, and few of us were given tools or permission to not take that on, so this is your tool to steer clear of it so that you can remain true to yourself.

Use this tool when you need to deal with your ex; it can allow you to feel powerful and centered while negotiating. It is also invaluable at work or in business.

Kegels — More than Bladder Control

Exercising our pelvic floor muscles is a fun way to reconnect with our base, power energy center.

If you have never done a Kegel before, you are aiming to squeeze and release the muscles that are inside the vaginal canal and between the vagina and the anus. If you feel the contraction in your buttocks or your abdominals keep trying until you can isolate just the pelvic floor.

Now for the fun bit: as you inhale and squeeze the muscles imagine pulling the energy up from the pelvis along the spine and up to the top of your head.

This brings that powerhouse sexual energy up into the rest of the body for you to utilize.

Now as you release and exhale, allow the energy to flow back down to the pelvic floor.

Start with a set of 5, and as you get stronger aim for 5 sets of 5.

You will feel a boost in energy and confidence.

The more you drop in and reclaim your power through activating your sexual energy, the easier it will be to:

• Say NO to those who do not fit your requirements
• Feel confident and sexy in your current body
• Release the hurt and pain and find ways to be collaborative with your ex

Enjoy! And I would love to hear about how connecting and harnessing your sexual energy have changed your life — wherever you are in your divorce journey.

Dana Pharant is a Former Dominatrix, High Priestess and 7-figure CEO helping successful business owners bridge the gap between good to great without the burnout and grind by mastering the inner domain for outward success. Learn more about Dana at www.danapharant.com