How to Deal with Post-Divorce Stress and Anxiety

While the preamble to pulling off a wedding can certainly be stressful, it could be argued that life after divorce could be worse.

Going through divorce may be difficult enough, and while you may experience some relief when your divorce papers go through, it is possible to still experience post-divorce stress and anxiety. Regardless of whether you had a relatively peaceful mediation or had your case handled at court, figuring out how to rebuild your new life might be intimidating. As you navigate this new chapter, its’s important to maintain positivity and chill — not only will this give you the clarity of mind you need to rise up to new challenges; it will also help you heal from your divorce.

Here are tips for dealing with post-divorce stress and anxiety:

1. Have a Support Group

Because the person who once served as your best friend is out of your life, you need to have a group of people to fill the void left by that person’s departure. Do not hesitate to reach out to your other allies: the friends and family you know and trust, to endure the hardest moments.

While it can seem challenging to spend time with others, it will improve your sense of self and calm in the long term. Either dial up old friends to make plans and reconnect or look into meeting up with groups focused on one of your common interests like classic cars, cooking shows, and so on.

2. Do Not Beat Yourself Up

It can be easy to lose perspective on your own and reassembling your life in the wake of a divorce can be especially trying. Any time you start to critique your fitfulness as a spouse, remind yourself that it takes two people to start or end a relationship. While guilt and shame are common sensations after a divorce, forgiving yourself might be just the thing you need to disperse them.

No matter how you manage to clear things up emotionally after a divorce, that emotional clearance is necessary to move past it. Give yourself all of the time and space that you need so that you can start the next step of your life with a clear head and an eager heart.

3. Invest in a Divorce Counselor

Even if you think you are handling divorced life well, there is a good chance that you still have flare-ups of negative emotions. If these flare-ups happen regularly, it may be in your best interest to look into speaking with a divorce counselor. A divorce counselor is specially trained to help divorcees figure out coping mechanisms and take some words to heart.

Such a therapist may also be quite useful if you have children who are likely worried about the new shape of their family. There are even divorce counselors for children  if you feel they may need a third party who is equipped to help them understand things.

4. Minimize Interactions with Your Ex

While this seems like obvious advice, old habits die hard. If you are about to deal with your ex, remind yourself to take a pause and weigh whether engaging in a conflicted interaction with them is worth it. Take deep breaths, step away and do whatever you can to minimize your ex’s ability to add chaos and drama to your life.

In cases where you need to still be in communication with your ex — for example, if you are co-parents, you can employ conflict management techniques or find a co-parenting communication plan that minimizes unnecessary contact with them.  Focusing on things like journaling, meditation, and other mindfulness exercises can help you achieve a sense of inner peace, which in turn can give you more patience when you need to interact with your ex, especially when you have a high-conflict relationship.

5. Self-Reflection

Anytime you undergo a major change or hit a major milestone in your life, it can be beneficial to think back on what led to it and focus on the positives. Ask yourself questions like the following:

• What part did you play in the relationship?
• How did you grow as a person?
• Did you learn anything new about yourself or what you need in a relationship?
• Do you have any regrets? How could you do things differently with a new relationship?
• Do you owe apologies?
• Do you resent anything? How could you get over it?

While this may sound painful, it may also remind you of the good parts of your marriage.

6. Stick to Positive Thinking

Positive thinking is powerful. While it may be challenging at first, focusing on the positive becomes easier and easier as your brain becomes trained for optimism. If you have children, this positive way of seeing things can be vital to instilling healthy behaviors in them so that they can better cope with problems as they mature.

Ending Things

Divorce can cause a spike in stress and anxiety. If you are struggling as a divorcee, remain positive, reflect on how things suffered, keep future interactions with the ex to a minimum, consider counseling, stop beating yourself up and build up a support group.