The Power of Forgiveness: The Best Path to Emotional Freedom

by | Jun 13, 2024 | Co-parenting, Collaborative Law, Conflict Management, Divorce and Finances, Divorce Coaching, Mediation, Navigating Divorce, Relationships, Respect

The Power Of Self-Forgiveness


As an experienced divorce attorney, mediator, and the creator of the Better Apart® Method, I understand that the idea of forgiveness (especially self-forgiveness!) can be challenging, especially when you’re feeling frustrated or angry. It’s natural to feel that way after a divorce or during ongoing conflicts with your ex-spouse. Setting boundaries is a crucial skill in any relationship, but it becomes especially important after a divorce. Boundaries help maintain your mental and emotional well-being while allowing necessary communication to occur in a structured and respectful manner. 

However, holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Allowing yourself to let the anger melt away is actually beneficial to your well-being. Here’s how.

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Forgiveness Promotes Balance

You may think that forgiveness makes you weak, but actually, forgiveness is the portal to emotional freedom. If you are trying to be a good parent while juggling personal and career goals, holding onto anger can rob you of your sense of inner balance. But it doesn’t have to be that way. By releasing your anger, you will be more open to creating an effective custody plan that supports your child’s well-being and allows you to feel calm.

When you let go of anger, you gain the mental and emotional clarity needed to make thoughtful decisions. You are giving yourself the gift of self forgiveness and making space for more clear thought to prevail. This clarity can help you create a custody plan that truly reflects the best interests of your children. Instead of being clouded by negative emotions, you can focus on practical solutions that work for everyone involved.

Forgiveness Fosters Flexibility, Especially in Co-Parenting

When you are in a calm state, you will naturally feel less rigid. Your day-to-day existence will have a better flow, and your co-parenting situation will be more easeful for both you and your children. It’s always important to have a clear parenting plan in your separation agreement, but when you are feeling forgiving—especially of yourself—you will have the space to make better in-the-moment decisions.

Flexibility is key in co-parenting. Life is unpredictable, and situations will arise that require quick adjustments to your plans. When you approach these moments with a forgiving and open mindset, you can adapt more easily and make decisions that are in the best interests of your children. This flexibility fosters a more cooperative and less stressful co-parenting relationship.

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Prioritizing Self-Care

Forgiving yourself is the highest form of self-care. Forgiveness does not mean that you are sanctioning someone else’s bad behavior; it simply means that you are ready to love yourself and to create the most supportive environment for you to live your best life and for your children so that they can flourish.
Self-care is essential for your mental and emotional health. When you hold onto anger and resentment, you are constantly under stress, which can take a toll on your well-being. By choosing to forgive, you free yourself from this burden and open up space for healing and personal growth. This, in turn, allows you to be a more present and nurturing parent.

Reclaiming Your Power

Nobody likes to feel taken advantage of, but allowing someone else’s bad behavior to ruin your life is only giving them continuous power over your well-being. Your happiness is the best revenge. By forgiving and moving on, you reclaim your power and control over your own life.
Forgiveness is not about letting the other person off the hook; it’s about freeing yourself from the chains of anger and bitterness. When you let go of these negative emotions, you can focus on building a positive and fulfilling life for yourself and your children. This shift in mindset can lead to healthier relationships and a greater sense of inner peace.

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Gabrielle Hartley, Esq.

Gabrielle Hartley is a renowned divorce mediator with decades of experience in resolving seemingly unresolvable conflict. Besides providing flat rate divorce and separation mediation services to clients online, Gabrielle is Co-Chair of the American Bar Association Mediation Committee and Former Court Attorney to NYS Judge Jeffrey Sunshine.

Her book,  Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate can help you navigate your divorce by combining practical advice with the healing power of meditation and yoga. Meanwhile, her second book, The Secret to Getting Along (And Why It’s Easier Than You Think) provides more tips on navigating the most entrenched conflict — whether at home, at work, or in any relationship.

aboutgh

Gabrielle Hartley, Esq.

Gabrielle Hartley is a renowned divorce mediator with decades of experience in resolving seemingly unresolvable conflict. Besides providing flat rate divorce and separation mediation services to clients online, Gabrielle is also a New York Times bestselling author.

Her book,  Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate can help you navigate your divorce by combining practical advice with the healing power of meditation and yoga. Meanwhile, her second book, The Secret to Getting Along (And Why It’s Easier Than You Think) provides more tips on navigating the most entrenched conflict — whether at home, at work, or in any relationship.

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DISCLAIMER: The commentary, advice, and opinions from Gabrielle Hartley are for informational purposes only and not for the purpose of providing legal advice or mental health services. You should contact an attorney and/or mental health professional in your state to obtain advice with respect to any particular issue or problem.

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