Five Ways Divorce Can Improve Your Kids’ Lives

by | May 30, 2023 | Co-parenting, Collaborative Law, Mediation, Navigating Divorce, Wellness

It’s pretty much guaranteed whether you’re married or not, if you’re raising kids, you’re going to screw them up in some way or another. It’s only a matter of degree. Most people are under the impression that divorce can contribute to this.

But can divorce actually be good for kids? To answer that question, we’re going to look at divorce with new eyes. Believe it or not, when handled well, divorce can be good for your kids’ lives.

Most people agree that growing up with parents who are at war is terrible for kids development and well-being. It makes them feel bad, and they learn all kinds of negative ways of relating that they’ll carry through life.

In those cases, getting divorced is clearly better for kids. But what about all those people who divorce when married life is not completely toxic and out of control? All the people who, for myriad reasons, just don’t belong together. Can divorce actually be good for kids in that situation?

The good news is that, if you have a child focused post-divorce relationship, you can set your kids on the path to be even better adjusted adults than they might have been had you stayed married.

This doesn’t mean that the divorce won’t be a loss for them, but when handled well, and if your kids are given plenty of emotional support to get them through, your divorce can teach them skills that will last a lifetime.

Children enjoying watermelon at the beach

Here are some benefits of divorce for your children:

1. A Less Self-centered Perspective

Adjusting to a new living arrangement and schedule will teach your kids that they are not the center of the universe. Once they are out in the world and obstacles come in their way, they will be better equipped to deal with change and navigate impasse.

2. A Stronger Growth Mindset

Watching you navigate and transform your dysfunctional marriage into a workable or even positive co-parenting relationship paves the way for your children to have a less rigid or fixed way of viewing negative situations in their life.

3. Better Organizational Skills

If you have a co-parenting schedule which requires your kids to move between your households, they will build their organizational muscles from a young age. Learning to juggle households and schedules will serve them well as they get older and life presents more situations for them to navigate.

4. A Focus on Money Matters

Divorce causes financial struggles for most people, at least in the short term. As long as your kids are not worrying about financial security, learning about money and how to budget from a young age will make early adulthood easier. While their friends are struggling to make ends meet, your kids will have the skills to manage their own financial life.

5. Increased Quality Time

Spending one-on-one time with each parent is a gift to your kids that they may never have had if you’d stayed married. You and your kids will have the opportunity to get to know one another better if you spend time alone with them without distraction or interruption. You can do that when you’re married, but if you are missing them half the time (or more), you’re more likely to take the initiative to spend quality time together when that time is limited.

 

If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, getting divorced may actually be the thing that saves your kids from being screwed up. And even if your relationship isn’t a total disaster, getting divorced, when done well, can be a gift to your kids in the long term.

Having a healthy divorce starts from the moment you decide to separate. And even if those few steps don’t start out well, you always have the power to change your dynamic for the better. The better you divorce, the healthier your kids will be in the long term.

aboutgh

Gabrielle Hartley, Esq.

Gabrielle Hartley is a renowned divorce mediator with decades of experience in resolving seemingly unresolvable conflict. Besides providing flat rate divorce and separation mediation services to clients online, Gabrielle is also a New York Times bestselling author.

 

Her book,  Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate can help you navigate your divorce by combining practical advice with the healing power of meditation and yoga. Meanwhile, her second book, The Secret to Getting Along (And Why It’s Easier Than You Think) provides more tips on navigating the most entrenched conflict — whether at home, at work, or in any relationship.

aboutgh

Gabrielle Hartley, Esq.

Gabrielle Hartley is a renowned divorce mediator with decades of experience in resolving seemingly unresolvable conflict. Besides providing flat rate divorce and separation mediation services to clients online, Gabrielle is also a New York Times bestselling author.

 

Her book,  Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate can help you navigate your divorce by combining practical advice with the healing power of meditation and yoga. Meanwhile, her second book, The Secret to Getting Along (And Why It’s Easier Than You Think) provides more tips on navigating the most entrenched conflict — whether at home, at work, or in any relationship.

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DISCLAIMER: The commentary, advice, and opinions from Gabrielle Hartley are for informational purposes only and not for the purpose of providing legal advice or mental health services. You should contact an attorney and/or mental health professional in your state to obtain advice with respect to any particular issue or problem.

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