Becoming Truly Better Apart: Healing and Growth Through Divorce

Embarking on your divorce journey can be a challenging and emotional.

Deciding to divorce, or realizing that you have no choice but to divorce comes with feelings of uncertainty, heartache, and even fear. While divorce is often sad, and the process may seem daunting, it can also be an opportunity for immense personal growth, healing, and a path to greater peace and happiness.

As a divorce mediator, I have witnessed thousands of couples transition through the complexities of divorce. Throughout this journey, I have come to recognize five essential elements that serve as portals to becoming better apart: patience, peace, respect, clarity, and forgiveness.

The Five-Steps to becoming truly Better Apart®:

1. Patience:

Patience is your greatest ally during divorce. The legal procedures, emotional upheavals, and life adjustments can feel overwhelming. It’s important to remember that healing takes time. Be patient with yourself, your ex-spouse, and the entire process. Rushing through decisions may lead to regrets later. Allow yourself the time to process your emotions, make thoughtful choices, and adapt to your changing circumstances.

2. Peace:

Amidst the chaos that often accompanies divorce, finding moments of peace can feel impossible but be invaluable. Seek solace in activities that bring you joy (and if not true joy at least a bit of calm) and help you reconnect with yourself. Whether it’s practicing yoga, spending time in nature, going for a run, hanging out with uplifting or understanding friends or indulging in a creative hobby, nurturing inner peace will help you maintain emotional balance. By prioritizing your well-being, you can better navigate the challenges that lie ahead.

3. Respect

Respect is the cornerstone of any successful divorce process. Self respect is #1.  To be your best self, always aim to treat your ex-spouse with the same dignity and consideration that you would offer any other person (even if you don’t truly respect your ex, treating them with respect is always going to help you in the long run). Plus, maintaining respect allows for smoother communication, which is particularly important if you have children together. By modeling respect, you’re not only setting a positive example for your children but also fostering an environment conducive to your own healing.

4. Clarity

Divorce often brings about a multitude of decisions – financial, legal, and personal. It’s easy to get lost in the whirlwind of paperwork and discussions. Clarity is key in maintaining control over your life during this transition. Seek out professional guidance when necessary, whether from legal experts or financial advisors. Having a clear understanding of your rights, responsibilities, and goals will empower you to make informed choices that pave the way for a brighter future.

5. Forgiveness:

One of the most challenging but liberating aspects of divorce is forgiveness. Letting go of resentment and anger is not only beneficial for your mental and emotional well-being but also for your ability to move forward. This doesn’t mean forgetting past grievances, but rather releasing their hold on your present and future. Forgiveness allows you to unburden yourself from negativity and create space for new possibilities.

While the process of divorce is often painful, it is essential to recognize that it can also mark the beginning of a transformative journey.  You and your spouse can truly become Better Apart (and if you want to learn more about this, be sure to pick up a copy of Better Apart)

As you navigate the stormy waters of separation, remember that you have the power to emerge stronger, wiser, and more attuned to your own needs and desires. The end of a marriage need not signify the end of your happiness; instead, it can serve as a catalyst for a renewed sense of self and purpose.  The elements of The Better Apart Method- patience, peace, respect, clarity, and forgiveness are not only the keys to a smoother process, but also the portals through which you can find healing and growth. By approaching this transition with an open heart and a commitment to personal well-being, you can pave the way for a brighter and more fulfilling future.